How to wing it!

     
 Red  Shirt
  
If  the red shirt thing is new to you, read below  how it went for a man…

Last  week, while traveling to  Chicago  on business, I  noticed a Marine sergeant traveling with a  folded flag, but did not put two and two  together..

After we boarded our flight, I  turned to the sergeant, who’d been invited to  sit in First Class (across from me), and  inquired if he was heading home.

No, he  responded.
Heading out I asked?

No.  I’m escorting a soldier home.

Going to  pick him up?

No. He is with me right now.  He was killed in  Iraq  , I’m taking him home to  his family.

The realization of what he  had been asked to do hit me like a punch to the  gut.. It was an honor for him. He told me that,  although he didn’t know the soldier, he had  delivered the news of his passing to the  soldier’s family and felt as if he knew them  after many conversations in so few days. 

I turned back to him, extended my hand,  and said, Thank you Thank you for doing what  you do so my family and I can do what we do. 

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot  stopped short of the gate and made the following  announcement over the intercom.

“Ladies  and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have  had the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the  United States Marine Corps join us on this  flight He is escorting a fallen comrade back  home to his family. I ask that you please remain  in your seats when we open the forward door to  allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive  his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the  seat belt sign.”

Without a sound, all  went as requested. I noticed the sergeant  saluting the casket as it was brought off the  plane, and his action made me realize that I am  proud to be an American.

So here’s a  public Thank You to our military Men and Women  for what you do so we can live the way we  do.

Red Fridays.

Very soon, you  will see a great many people wearing Red every  Friday. The reason? Americans who support our  troops used to be called the “silent majority.”  We are no longer silent, and are voicing our  love for God, country and home in record  breaking numbers. We are not organized,  boisterous or overbearing.

Many  Americans, like you, me and all our friends,  simply want to recognize that the vast majority  of America supports our troops. Our idea of  showing solidarity and support for our troops  with dignity and respect starts this Friday –  and continues each and every Friday until the  troops all come home, sending a deafening  message that … Every red-blooded American who  supports our men and women a far, will wear  something red.

By word of mouth, press,  TV — let’s make the United States on every  Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming  football game in the bleachers. If every one of  us who loves this country will share this with  acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family,  it will not be long before the USA is covered in  RED and it will let our troops know the once  “silent” majority is on their side more than  ever, certainly more than the media lets  on.

The first thing a soldier says when  asked “What can we do to make things better for  you?” is. “We need your support and your  prayers.” Let’s get the word out and lead with  class and dignity, by example, and wear  something red every Friday.

____

This post was written by Kurt Moore Larson and these opinions do NOT reflect those of his fellow Blogger. However, this blog belongs to both of us  

Image by Scootzsx via Flickr

There is a certain kind of person I have a hard time with. The person who will go out of his way – or her way – just in order to make me happy and put all their own needs aside, not out of kindness but because of a complete lack of self-respect and self value.

They let me get ahead in the line in the supermarket even if they are in more of a hurry than I am. They say yes and agree no matter what I suggest in any situation. You know what I mean; I am sure you have met this person.

Maybe you are this person.

I used to be like that and on one level I still am but not to the degree that I used to be. I was a total pushover; I would bend over backwards and go against my own beliefs and even my knowledge about the kind of person I know myself to be, just to achieve the goal of having somebody like me. That’s the sad thing about it. Sometimes when people are being overly kind to you it’s not necessarily because they are a kind person at heart, it might be because they are searching for something. They are looking for value and love and will do anything to get it.

I wonder what makes a person like that. What makes somebody so desperate to be loved that they are willing to sacrifice their own self-worth? Without self-worth and self love, you cannot receive love either. This kind of person will spend his or her life running around in circles looking for love – like a dog chasing his own tail.

So what can we do to stop being pushovers? I had to learn the hard way which was having my heart broken a couple of times, going through tons of pain and then slowly discovering that if I can’t be myself in any relationship in my life, it’s a relationship I don’t need to be in. Such a relationship would not have a chance of lasting anyway as you cannot go through life acting.

Perhaps it would help you to write down a few situations where you have acted against your belief and known in that moment that you were moving away from your own self in order to please somebody.
Think about those situations and think about how you would have acted differently so you would feel good about yourself.

You will never be able to set boundaries for other people unless you know where your boundaries are. People will put up with different things and it’s up to you to discover how much you can take. How much you’re willing to take. It is very important to set limits for other people; we all have a core that I think needs to be totally private and nobody can enter, even our partner. Our safe place, our limit. We need these boundaries for our mental health. If we let other people enter those private places in our lives, we turn into doormats, pleasers, dogs chasing their tails.

Practice saying no. This is something I need to do all the time and I’m very aware of it because I always feel like I have to make an excuse if I say no to something. It’s not people putting pressure on me; it’s me putting pressure on me – it’s the old feeling, the old thought pattern of “if I say no and don’t have a good explanation, they are going to hate me”. Practice, practice, practice. Try saying no firmly and not giving an explanation and see what happens. You’d be surprised how understanding people are. If they don’t understand and start to pressure you, then they have an issue with respect. That is not your problem so don’t make it your problem. If they get mad with you, they will get over it eventually.

Do something for yourself. This might be something that you’re afraid maybe your mom will disapprove of, your colleagues will not understand, your partner will wonder about – but do it for you because it’s something you would like to do and it will enrich your life to do it – despite of what others think.

Being assertive and having self worth is not being a jerk. In life we all need to be flexible and understanding but being a pushover has nothing to do with being a kind person. A pushover is just someone who is so desperate for love that they are willing to kill that person inside of them in order to get it.

I daily remind myself that I am a great person and it’s okay to be me. If people do not like the true me, why should they be in my life?

That’s something you need to ask yourself if you’re a pushover.

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This morning I would like to start off with a quote  from an excellent article (translate with Google Translate) that my brother has written about depression:

The opposite of melancholy is sentimentality. If being melancholy is to have a cool relationship with the world – being, as popularly called, cold in the ass – being sentimental is to be overheated, adding facts and other articles too much value. During a depression, the depressed typically experiences seizures or periods characterized by sentimentality,  old loss or fear of new things applies with particular dramatic force. One can imagine that the sudden shift occurs in the struggle to get back to a normal state.

My brother – actually both of them  – is an excellent writer and this morning as I was reading through his article, something that I have not realized before dawned on me. As many of you will know I have suffered from depression and anxiety for many years and on lots of occasions I have written about how depression has affected me , both physically and mentally . I have tried to put down in words how depression has changed me , not in a glorified way where someone says  “I am so happy I had this depression because now I can relate to people better “..
No. I am not glad I have this depression and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy . Depression deprives you of being able to find a meaning with life. It deprives you of being able to see a future , it deprives you of being able to relate and empathize with others . Depression is cold and it holds you firmly in the now , the cold, meaningless, empty, unloving reality of the now . Because there is no past and there is no future  – you are here now and you are suffering endlessly .

Depression has not changed me for the better. Sometimes I have told myself “well, at least now I can relate to others on a more profound level”. I’m not so sure that that’s true but we all have a need to find meaning in our suffering – suffering without meaning is hell and I don’t want to admit to myself that I have experienced hell . And yet I have . For a human being to be in a state where you are unable to relate to anybody else , why you have no goals in life , you see no meaning in life and you are completely isolated in a state of mental and physical suffering , you certainly are in hell .

I find within myself both of the traits that my brother described so well in his article : melancholy and sentimentality .

I get very melancholy at times . I have described it before as having a stone in my heart . If things hurt me too much , so much that I can no longer stand it , I become hard and cold and a completely different person from who I know to be me. I don’t care if I hurt people and my loved ones have certainly met this person within me. Sometimes I wonder if this is the state of mind that makes people go over the edge and commit herendous crimes : I have suffered so you should all suffer too. I certainly have that feeling within me – when my anxiety is at its worst , I become like an animal backed up in the corner and I show my claws, raise my voice and attack . While I tell myself , wow this is not me , when my mind is clear again I must confess that this is a part of me .

I also have a very sentimental side . My brother calls it putting too much value into things (if I understand him correctly). I do that. When I get very emotional, I tend to use big words, I tend to dramatize events and most of the time I am fearing that a catastrophe is about to happen and other people are just obliviont to the danger. Drama. If I don’t find it, I will create it in my mind. But it tips the other way too: a sunset is not beautiful, it is breath taking, it is a wonder of God.

I see very clearly that these two emotions: melancholy and sentimentality rule within me and they switch from one second to the next. Now I wonder if this is the result of the depression I have suffered and the anxiety I have within me everyday or was I born this way? Did I come out of my mother’s womb with a heartless place inside of me and with the mentality of someone over emotional? I don’t know.

I also wonder, do I contain more aspects than these two? I should certainly hope so. People are complex. We contain many facets. Some we were born with, some we learn in the environment we grow up in – watching the people around us – and some, I do believe, are given to us by either the divine force that is God or they’re from straight out of hell. Even former FBI profiler Robert Ressler believes this to be true: some behavior patterns within the most evil people in the world are straight out of hell and science has not yet recognized it. So sometimes it’s nothing to do with genetics, nothing to do with environment – just something inside people that comes straight out of hell and cannot be analyzed and explained – that’s how I understand Ressler’s words.

(See Robert Ressler Clip here from 03:52).

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So I am up early, frantically kicking off my exercise plan which contains one daily walk. Supposedly it will do wonders for my mental health – aagghhhhhh AARRGGGHHHHHHHH  – you know, stop outbursts like that.

Here’s my motivational video for the day:

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Well I am back from the dentist.

She was a very nice lady and she showed great understanding of my problem. Being that because of my anxiety I don’t go very often. She said she had another patient with the same issue and if not for her having to walk her dogs, she would never get out of her apartment. Although my anxiety is not so severe that I can never get out, it is severe enough that I put my dentist visits off. For months or years.

Anyway, she fixed two huge holes today and I am now numb in my face. There is a pretty huge chance I will bite my own lip off.

Exciting huh??

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Oh well I suppose it had to happen. I’ve now developed a sore throat and a dry cough which always seems to envelop me this time of year. I rarely get sick – if ever – but I do get a yearly cold that hangs on for a few days and then dies out.

I think God is being merciful to me. I have bouts of depression and anxiety so I suppose he figures: That’s enough illness for her but give her an occasional cold.

Thus, today’s tasks are limited. God and I are nursing me.

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Monday is usually a day where lots of practical stuff has to be done at my place because I tend to spend all Sunday whining and complaining about how much I need to do and how I don’t feel like it. So Monday it is.

Take today, for example…
I wake up with absolutely no food in the fridge, thus no breakfast. Cos of course I didn’t do enough shopping Saturday to last me until a good part of Monday. I’m 36 and still haven’t learned. It’s okay though. I am on the road to change; I can just feel it

I’ve got a long grocery list in front of me and I am not stressing one bit, actually. Why (I usually would) ? Because I am testing something in my life. Freedom. Although I have to be aware that my mind seeks freedom every second of the day, it’s a brand new thing that I am even aware of how un-free I have been and I am so determined to make a change. I mean, come on, I have been so entirely stressed out that my hair has fallen out during the past six months! It’s just no good. I will never completely shake off all my concerns and worries but an attempt to free myself must be made – at least to the point where I let some sunshine and happiness into my life.

First step to becoming more free and happy: Try smiling for at least ½ hour per day, not necessarily in one stretch – but smiling MUST be achieved. It’s a part of being free.

I wish you all a happy day.

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What are some of the skills we need to teach children? What have you taught your children?

Purpose

Find your purpose of life. It can be anything, big or small but it’s very important to have a purpose.

How to have intimate relationships

I think kids should know how to develop intimate relationships through communication and empathy. If you have poor communication skills and little empathy for other, life will be very hard.

Live in the moment

A lesson I have hardly learned myself but I think it’s best to live right in the moment, in the NOW because it’s really all we have.

Running a household

By that I mean fixing stuff around the house, using the washing machine/dryer, dish washer, all the practical stuff they will need to know later on in life.

Love and compassion

Most importantly self love. If you don’t love yourself, you don’t have love to give.

Anti-competition

Being the kind of person who helps others to succeed in the job or life in general. A person who is not a back-stabber or feels resentment when others do well.

Motivation

I suppose that to achieve goals in life, motivation is a lot more important than discipline. If you are truly motivated to do something, you will almost always achieve it. However, if you have discipline and no motivation, you’re likely to fail.

Critical thinking

This should really be taught in schools. Question everything, debate, have conversations about your opinion and why you feel the way you do.

Saving and budgetting

A really important skill for kids to learn: To administrate money. They’re gonna need it!

Passion

Find something to be passionate about and go for it, do it for your job, enjoy it. Very important.

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How weird to finally feel on top of things at the supermarket. I went today together with my mom and my dad who was the designated driver and we did shopping for an entire week. I now sit here with an entire meal plan and a kitchen full of food. An awesome feeling.

You can’t fool me. You’re thinking “So what, no big deal”. But it is for me, you see. Ever since I had the severe depression I have had trouble organizing stuff inside my head, everything sort of gets blurred in one big pile of mushy confusion when I have to make a plan about food. So I usually walk around the supermarket like a headless chicken (except for the cackling, I don’t do that) and when I come home, I carry in my hands a bag of candy, 2 liters of Coke, a bag of carrots and a cucumber. It’s a sad fact.

But this time I am finally on top of things. I know what I will be eating tomorrow, on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Yummy.

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Kids jumping rope, New Orleans 1943, Image via Wikipedia

Okay here’s a little confession: Yesterday I actually went out and bought a jump rope for myself. I know, it’s a little silly, a woman aged 35 buying a jump rope for herself. It’s just that I had so much fun last weekend with my son where I did that for the first time in years and I just got this joyous feeling! I felt like a little girl again and so many things came back to me, lovely memories from my childhood.

So that’s when I thought, why not keep a jump rope at home and get that joyous feeling back now and then? It’s important to have fun and remember the child within

When was the last time you went woo-hoo from joy? What made you so happy?

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