How to wing it!

Image by Khalifa Al-Matawaah ♥ via Flickr

The holidays are upon us and for me this always seems to be a very stressful time. There are so many things to be thought about and managed and bought and wrapped and baked!

Christmas can be extra rough if you were going through separation or divorce. Let’s face it, the old saying “the more the merrier” is especially true at Christmas time. It’s a time to be around family and to remember the things that we love about each other, we dig into the old boxes in the attic and decorate the tree together with the kids.

From the time we are born, we are taught that Christmas is a truly magical time and there are so many traditions to honor. I don’t know about you but for me, the month of December usually equals tons of stress instead of enjoyment.

I saw an online poll that asked people whether or not they would like Christmas to be simpler and would you believe that three out of four said that Christmas is way too stressing? So although I am generally bad at management, I am not the only one who finds the whole Christmas hype a little too much.

Anyway, I can’t honestly remember my first Christmas after my own divorce because there were probably so many emotions whirling around inside of me that I simply blocked out the memory. Still, there are a few things that you can do to make the holiday bearable if you are going through a divorce:

1. If you have children with your spouse and you are divorcing, you’re going to have to make some adjustments around Christmas time. There are dates to agree about but also some traditions may have to be altered so perhaps it’s a good idea to sit down and consider which traditions are very important to you and keep those and then try to be flexible about other traditions. I know it’s not always easy to agree about whose traditions are more important than the others but flexibility is needed all year round when you are divorced and have kids together so you might as well begin with Christmas.

2. This Christmas you will probably be grieving and crying a lot and you should allow yourself to do so because it’s all part of the healing process. If you’re going to be celebrating with family, they will probably understand your emotions. Don’t try to hold back your tears; that will just make things even worse for you and for everybody else as well. Allow people to comfort and help you.

3. Keep things simple if you can. If you are going through a divorce, you probably have less money this year for Christmas – perhaps you need to find a new job, you need a smaller place, you are suddenly the sole provider for your kid – there can be lots of issues to deal with when you’re standing in the middle of a divorce and so the financial situation is bound to be different. So when it comes to such a thing as presents for the kids, try to keep it simple and really prioritize what’s important to you around Christmas: is it that big present or is it simply being together ? This is something I struggle with myself and I constantly need to remind myself that Christmas is not about stressing out because you don’t have enough money . Gifts are not always material things; a gift can also be the gift of time, the gift of attention, the gift of hugging your kids tight.

4. The true spirit of Christmas is generosity and love and if you are going through a divorce , it might be a good idea to focus on something other than yourself just for a few days . Find someone to help , volunteer for something and you will feel better , I promise .

5. I don’t know whether you are religious are not but for me it has always been a comfort to know that in the middle of what ever it is I’m going through , God is constant . He does not change and He does not leave me ever . The thought always hits my mind when I’m walking around Christmas tree singing hymns with my family, I look at the star and I know for sure that we need never be without God. There is a great comfort in that.

These were just a few tips to what you can do to make Christmas a little simpler and if not easy then at least bearable when you’re going through this hard time . I hope you found it useful .

Are you kidding me?? The stores already have the Christmas candy on the shelves!!  I was shocked when I saw the candy canes and garden gnomes and stuff. Come on people, it’s only October! The beginning of October, even. Wow.

I really wish Christmas could become so much simpler. Take me, for example. I have no money, I have several dentist appointments coming up and I can see no way out  -  but it’s cool. I mean, it’s all about being together and having a good time, right? So this year Christmas will transform itself for me – all without any effort on my part – and be a Christmas that HAS to be about being with family as opposed to giving and getting huge presents. And I kinda like that idea.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Christmas This Year Will Be Less Tacky [Recession] (consumerist.com)
• Toys R Us Joins Sears in Bringing Early Holiday Cheer (shoppingblog.com)
• Nazi Gnomes in Nuremberg (yesbutnobutyes.com)
• Some of God’s Gifts Come in Strange Packages (adw.org)

Image via Wikipedia

Indentified belief: My child will hurt if I am not there with him every day by his side. I am a noncustodial mom and I feel ashamed.

1. Is it true that he will hurt if you’re not there with him every day by his side? No.

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true that he will hurt? No, I can’t know for sure.

3. What happens when you believe in the thought “My child will hurt if I am not there with him every day by his side. I am a noncustodial mom and I feel ashamed.” ?  I feel very sad and stuck because I am unable to change the situation. I get frustrated and I feel like I am to blame for having to be away from him. I carry a lot of guilt about that. I feel very bad about myself and I don’t wanna allow myself to feel happy. I want to punish myself.

4. Who would you be without the thought? If I didn’t carry around the thought that my child is miserable because of me – or miserable for any reason – I would be happy. I would be more carefree and more interested in the world around me. I wouldn’t feel so much like hiding away and denying myself happiness. I would be a much better mother because I would feel whole.

Now turn the belief around.  My child will not hurt if I am not there with him every day by his side. I do not feel ashamed.  When I speak with him, I hear joy in his voice. He has friends, he has a social life, he loves his father whom he shares a nice home with. He loves being with me when we have time together. He loves my company. He is not angry with me. He does not blame me. He does not blame himself. He does not blame his father. My child is a happy child.

I am willing to experience that my child is happy and willing to experience not being ashamed.
I am looking forward to experiencing that my child is happy and looking forward to experiencing  not being ashamed.
 Related articles by Zemanta

• The Biology Of Joyfulness (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)
• Hanging on to little bits of happiness (atyourcervix.blogspot.com)
• Learn to be Grateful: The Key to Happiness (momblognetwork.com)

Image via Wikipedia

Today it’s my brother Lars’ birthday! Congratulations..

Tillykke med fødselsdagen, Lars!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Happy Birthday Twitter! (mashable.com)
• Birthday is here! (bubbytimes.blogspot.com)
• Happy Birthday Mom! (crazyadventuresinparenting.com)
• I Feel Good Now That I’ve Donated …. (beth.typepad.com)
• 364 days! (bubbytimes.blogspot.com)
• Joe’s 30th Birthday (foursightwines.blogspot.com)

Image via Wikipedia

Well today Barack Obama has confirmed – on Facebook – that I am his fourth cousin once removed. Or something like that.

It wasn’t a funny April Fool’s Day prank. It was just there.

Not funny

Related articles by Zemanta

• Monsanto Starts A Blog: Not an April Fools Day Prank (takepart.com)
• Happy april fools day (slideshare.net)
• The Best April Fools’ Day IT Stories of 2009 (daniweb.com)
• April Fool’s travel hoaxes (telegraph.co.uk)
• April Fool’s Day computer virus is activated… but fails to cause … – Daily Mail (domainmacher.com)

Valentine’s Day is pretty much like any other day for single people. You might feel a little hurt during lunchtime but in the evening, you’re back in front of the TV watching the fourteenth rerun of Friends. And things are fine.

I happen to not be single this time and I am happy to be spending the day – apart but still together after all these years – with my very best friend in the world who also happens to be the guy I am in love with.

I am pretty sure I will get absolutely nothing for Valentine’s Day, except for an e-card or something like that and I am not sure why, except that it costs a fortune to send anything these days – BUT – before we get all worked up about it – it doesn’t matter. Honestly. No honestly. I gave this a lot of thought.

Here’s why – and you might also want to ask yourself these questions:

Is he always there for you, no matter if it’s Valentines or not?
Yes.

Are you absolutely sure he loves you and he doesn’t fool around?
Yes.

Does he put your relationship highest on his priority list together with his/your kids?
Yes.

Does he listen and make you laugh all year round? Does he comfort you when you are sad?
Yes.

Okay. Then stop being a fool and whining about a bunch of flowers and some chocolate that you shouldn’t be eating anyway. Don’t be like Charlie Brown who was miserable all day because he didn’t get a card. Don’t misunderstand me, I love romance and I grew up on Barbara Cartland novels but please, let’s gain some perspective and learn to appreciate what we have all year round.

Also, looking at this from a financial point of view, the price for flowers quadruple when Valentine’s Day arrives. Surely it’s money better spent to buy a flower now and then all year round instead of a big bunch on this one day a year?

Just a thought.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Flock Says Forget the Lingerie and Chocolate; Instead Download Flock! (centernetworks.com)
• Passive Aggressive Notes to My Husband for Valentine’s Day (ecochildsplay.com)
• Egyptian Cleric: Valentine’s Day is Worse Than AIDS, Ebola, and Cholera (littlegreenfootballs.com)

Image via Wikipedia I am one of those people who always expect Christmas to be a perfect event and it never is, of course .I always imagine the whole family sitting around the table together, playing games, sharing a laugh while we all feel good and happy. There’s even a fireplace although my family never had one!

I have been better at getting my expectations down to a more suitable level these past two Christmases and perhaps it’s part of growing up to realize that everything doesn’t magically change just because it’s December 24th.

It’s a shame that Christmas has become such a stressful time for so many people, including myself, but since it is we have to find ways to calm ourselves at this time of year. I’ve made a little list that I personally need to remember as I head off on Christmas vacation with sweaty palms:

1. People are the same and they will not change just because it’s Christmas. Neither should I expect them to.

2. Remember that Christmas is about being together and being large, very large! Christmas is not the time to start arguing.

3. Lend a hand and remember you’re not in a hotel. It will make you feel good to help out so others get a chance to relax as well!

4. Rejoice in the little things.

5. Christmas is not about perfection so it doesn’t matter if mistakes happen in the kitchen or elsewhere. It’s all about being together, not being perfect.

6. Try to have fun. It won’t hurt.

With this in mind I hope to have a really nice and somewhat calm Christmas in the company of the people I love most. I hope you have a good one!

Related articles by Zemanta

• 10 Minute stressbusting: Give Christmas anxieties the boot.
• Cathy Maxwell | The stress of the holiday season is already upon us!
• How to Confidently Handle Festive Family Friction
• Survey Finds Holidays Cause Women More Stress Than Men

Beautiful Christmas songs by Amy Grant and Vince Gill:

Merry Christmas

I think it’s time to say merry Christmas to all of you! Not that we won’t blog any more before Christmas but there won’t be any more quiet moments like this.

So Kurt and I wanna wish all our readers a very merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Remember to keep the Christ in Christmas and whatever religion you belong to, we hope this Christmas brings you peace and joy.

Here we are this morning (actually afternoon) – looking really good, I might add – and that’s when it occured to us (well, me) that it might be a good idea to give you all a special Christmas present. Cos all our 5 visitors this year have been amazing. So here it is: A Christmas present for you.

It’s a beautiful winter day. A little bit foggy outside and only one silly little week until Christmas – YES, I am so excited and I just can’t hide it.

Here’s a photo Kurt has taken. Don’t know if I told anyone but he’s actually quite a skilled photographer..

Not that I couldn’t do better. Of course Churite.