How to wing it!

Today I want to write about a topic that has actually been on my mind for quite a while – I just haven’t gotten around to writing about it. I want to write about some of the things to be aware of when you have a child with a person from a different culture and before I start writing, I just wanted to clear that this entry is not about claiming that the Western way of raising kids – or my own way of raising kids – is the only right way. I merely want to state some things that it’s good to consider before you have your first child with a foreign partner.

Let’s take such a thing as medicine to start with. In the Western world a lot of us don’t consider it a problem to give our kids  medication for headaches or transport sickness or any other ailment along the way but in some cultures people do not give medicine to kids and it’s always good to have a discussion about this. How are you going to handle it when your child has a fever? Do you medicate or do you not medicate?

Another thing that might be a challenge is your child’s eating habits. How does your partner feel about candy, for example? If your partner is Muslim, he or she will more than likely expect the child to eat only Halal food. How do you feel about that?

Then there’s the subject of in-laws. In the Western world, we do tend to like our in-laws and do our best to get on well with them but at the same time, we have very clear boundaries for them. We don’t expect our own parents to have a major say in the way we choose to raise our kids but in some culture,s families are much more integrated and everybody has a say in raising the children. That’s another thing you need to consider. If the in-laws come to visit , they might want to stay for weeks or even months at a time . Can you live with that ?

Think about dating. In some cultures girls are not allowed to date even when they reach their teens whereas different rules apply for boys. You on the other hand might think it’s perfectly natural for teenage girls to wear makeup and go out with boys. That’s another thing to talk about.

The last thing I am going to mention is birthdays. In some cultures birthdays for children are only celebrated until they reach their teens and then it stops whereas we in the Western world continue to make a big deal about birthdays even into adulthood.

I’m not trying to discourage you from having babies with a foreigner or somebody with a different culture than you; it’s just my experience that it’s better to have a huge amount of discussions before the child is born because no matter what, you’re going to need to compromise – both of you. If you are both unwilling to let go of certain traditions and beliefs about child rearing, you’re likely to run into a whole bunch of trouble.

Sit down with your partner and discuss your expectations